Tag Archives: Bible

Articles

Are the Scriptures Sufficient?

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There are those today who would promote the idea that the Holy Scriptures are not enough for man today.  Some of these people state that one cannot live right without a direct influence of the Holy Spirit acting individually upon each person apart from the word.  They use the words “in addition to the word of God,” but even these words show that they believe the Bible is not enough.  Some also claim that the Scriptures are not to be taken as authoritative.  These people claim that we cannot know what God wants from us because we cannot understand what they call “God-speech.” so God had to communicate to us in an imperfect system of “human-speech,” or words.  These doctrines are completely opposed to what God claims for His word in the Scriptures.

The Scriptures claim to give certainty (Luke 1:1-4) and to be sufficient to cause belief in Jesus as the Christ (John 20:30-31).  The Scriptures claim to be sufficient to deal with all teaching, correcting, instructing in doctrine and in living right (II Timothy 3:16).  The Scriptures claim to be enough to make a man “perfect” or complete, and prepared for every good work (II Timothy 3:17).  The Scriptures give us everything we need for life and godliness (II Peter 1:3).

Some say that the only way we can understand God is if the Holy Spirit directly speaks to us and/or influences us directly (apart from the word of God).  The apostle Paul denies this.  He had his message directly from the Holy Spirit, but told those in Ephesus that when they read what he wrote, they would have the same understanding that he did (Ephesians 3:3-5).  This passage proves that God deemed human words sufficient to communicate what He desired to communicate to mankind.  Besides this, notice that it was God who created human language in the first place!  When He created Adam and Eve, they were able to speak because God had created language for them.  When He scattered the people at the Tower of Babel, He confused their languages by creating new ones.  Yet, some people are so arrogant that they claim God cannot communicate using the language He Himself created!

My friends, the Scriptures are not insufficient in any way!  It is only in the Scriptures that you find the gospel.  It is only with the gospel that you can be saved (Romans 1:16).  The Scriptures show how to be saved (Mark 16:16, Acts 2:38) and how to live your life after becoming a Christian (I John 1:7-9, Revelation 2:10).  Since the Scriptures claim to be all-sufficient for every need of man, those who claim the need for additional divine help are wrong.  We ought to believe God rather than man.

-Bradley Cobb

NOTE: this article was written in 2007 and first appeared on the Gravel Hill church of Christ website.

Books

The Eldership

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One of the important parts of the early church, according to the Bible, was having trustworthy, godly men to serve as shepherds, overseers, bishops, elders.  All these names refer to the same office in the church.

The apostle Paul, along with Barnabas, made sure to ordain elders in each congregation that they had established and built up.  Timothy was given instructions on what to look for in a man who desired to be an elder.  Titus was left in Crete to ordain elders in each congregation.  Peter himself was even an elder in the church.

Suffice it to say, the eldership is an important biblical topic.

And that’s why today’s “THANK YOU” post contains another free book–this time on the subject of elders.

The Eldership, by M.M. Davis, was originally published in 1912, and was reprinted a few times after that.  Even though it is over a hundred years old, it is still full of plain Bible teaching on this subject.  And it’s not really all that long, either, so don’t think you’re going to have to trudge through some extended dissertation on this, that, or the other.

It has been completely reformatted and proofread (special thanks to Jerry Sturgill for his assistance in those areas), so it looks really pretty on your PC, tablet, iPad, or whatever other device you have.

Enjoy!  Just click on the link below to download it.

Davis. MM – The Eldership

Books

Why We Believe the Bible

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It is Wednesday, which means that saints will be gathering somewhere near you to study the Bible and sing praises to the Lord God.

But some people might wonder, “Why do you believe the Bible?”  George DeHoff wrote a book specifically to answer that question.  It serves as a great brief guide to the inspiration of the Bible.

Table of Contents

  1. Why We Want to Believe the Bible
  2. Why We Believe in God
  3. Genesis 1
  4. The Origin of Religion
  5. The Bible and Scientific Foreknowledge
  6. Archaeology and the Bible
  7. The Influence of the Bible
  8. Prophecy and Its Fulfillment
  9. The Messianic Prophecies
  10. Proof from Secular Writers
  11. The Other Sacred Books
  12. Internal Evidences of Inspiration
  13. The Indestructibility of the Bible

To download it FREE, just click the link below.

DeHoff, George – Why We Believe the Bible

A reminder–we really appreciate each and every one of you for taking the time to read our posts and for sharing them with others!

Articles, Bible Questions

Did Paul Receive the Holy Spirit by the Laying on of Hands?

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Question: The book of Acts says that Ananias came and laid hands on Paul so that he would “receive the Holy Spirit.”  Does that mean that he had the Holy Spirit before he was baptized? –F.B.U.

To answer this question, we need to look at the text that it comes from:

Acts 9:17-18

And Ananias went his way and entered into the house. And putting his hands on him, he said, “Brother Saul, the Lord Jesus that appeared to you in the way as you came has sent me so that you might receive your sight, and be filled with the Holy Spirit.” And immediately there fell from his eyes as it had been scales, and he received sight immediately, and arose, and was baptized.

Putting his hands on him…”Brother Saul…receive your sight…”

Here we see the miracle of Saul’s sight being restored. Verse 18 makes it clear that was the result of Ananias’ laying hands on him. That much is clear and undisputed by anyone who believes the Bible.

The question now, though, is what do we make of the phrase “be filled with the Holy Spirit”?

Jesus…has sent me so that you might…be filled with the Holy Spirit.

There are several opinions from scholars as to what this means. Some insist that it is the literal indwelling of the Holy Spirit being given to Saul of Tarsus—prior to baptism—by Ananias laying hands on him. Others say basically the same thing, except they say it was the gift of miracles being given to Saul prior to his baptism by Ananias laying hands on him.

When Luke uses the phrase “filled with the Holy Spirit” or “full of the Holy Spirit,” miracles (usually inspiration) are always under consideration. Examine them for yourself: John the Immerser (Luke 1:15), John’s mother, Elisabeth (Luke 1:41-45), John’s father, Zacharias (Luke 1:67-79), the apostles (Acts 2:4), the apostles again (Acts 4:31), Stephen (Acts 6:5, 7:55-56), Barnabas (Acts 11:22-24), Paul (Acts 13:9-11), and the disciples of Antioch in Pisidia (Acts 13:14, 51-52).

Understanding this, let’s now look at the evidence to come to a rational, biblical conclusion to this potential conundrum.

First, Jesus said that the purpose of Ananias’ laying hands on Saul was so he would receive his sight. That was seen in verse 12 of this same chapter. There was no indication in Jesus’ words that Ananias was going to give Saul the Holy Spirit.

Second, the only result of this event shown in the Bible is that Saul received his sight. After he put his hands on Saul, the Bible only records that Saul received his sight. It says nothing about him receiving the Holy Spirit. If we look at Acts 22, where Saul (who is also called Paul) is telling about this very event, we see that he doesn’t even mention the Holy Spirit at all—but he does mention receiving his sight again.[1]

Third, the ability to pass on the Holy Spirit was only available to the apostles. This is shown in chapter 8, verses 14-18. Ananias was not an apostle, and so—unless someone wishes to argue that Ananias should be classed as an apostle—the evidence is against his being able to pass on this gift.

Fourth, Saul was lost in his sins when Ananias laid his hands on him, and was not a candidate to receive the Holy Spirit, for he had not been baptized. This principle is seen in Acts 8:15-16. Acts 22:12-16 shows that he was still lost in sins after Ananias laid his hands on him. The Holy Spirit was promised only to those who were the obedient servants of God.[2]

Fifth, Paul makes it very clear throughout his life that he did not receive his apostleship from any man. Miracles (the gift of the Holy Spirit) and the ability to pass them on were “the signs of an apostle.”[3] Paul states that he was “an apostle—not of men, neither by man, but by Jesus Christ and God the Father who raised Him from the dead.”[4] All of the apostles received their miraculous ability direct from heaven.[5] Paul would be no different.

Sixth, we see no record of Saul performing miracles until years later. The first time we read of Saul (now called Paul) doing any miracle is in Acts 13:9-11. This is the first time where Paul is said to be “filled with the Holy Spirit.” Now, this does not mean that Paul was unable to perform miracles prior to Acts 13, but it is supportive evidence that he didn’t receive the Holy Spirit when Ananias laid hands on him. There is no evidence that Saul was able to work miracles before that event.

Seventh, it took the testimony of Barnabas to convince the apostles that Saul was really a disciple of Jesus Christ. You might ask, What does that have to do with anything? If Saul of Tarsus had the miraculous abilities given by the Holy Spirit at this point, it would have been very simple for him to prove to the apostles and other disciples that he was a Christian. But instead, it took Barnabas speaking on his behalf. Though not conclusive, this evidence seems to indicate that at this point Saul did not have the miraculous gift of the Holy Spirit.

Since the evidence implies that Saul did not receive the Holy Spirit when Ananias laid hands on him, what exactly did he mean when he told Saul “Jesus…has sent me so that you might…be filled with the Holy Spirit”?

Ananias’ mission was to heal and baptize Saul; to bring him into the family of God and Christ. As you can see from other passages in Acts,[6] the Holy Spirit was only given to those who were servants of God, and who obey Him. Ananias came to help Saul become spiritually acceptable before God, and thus also help him become a candidate for the reception of the Holy Spirit. It was preparatory work.

-Bradley S. Cobb

[1] Acts 22:12-13

[2] Acts 2:17-18, 5:32

[3] II Corinthians 12:12

[4] Galatians 1:1

[5] Acts 2:1-4, 4:29-31

[6] Acts 2:17-18, 5:32

Articles

What Must I Do? – A Closer Look

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Many times throughout the Bible that the question is asked “What must I do?” or “What shall I do?” In fact, throughout the New Testament this is a recurring theme. And obviously, it is very important to do what is necessary to be saved. What are the things one must do?

We’ve all heard the plan of salvation: Hear, believe, repent, confess, and be baptized. But what do they mean? Hear what? Believe what? Let’s look a bit closer at each one of those things.

WHAT MUST I HEAR?

We take for granted sometimes that people automatically know what we are talking about when we say they must hear. But suppose someone does not know, what then? Romans 10:14 says “how shall they believe in him of whom they have not heard?” This verse says that no one can believe in Christ if they have not heard of Him! Just a few verses later, Paul says So then faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.

So, what the person must hear is the Word of God. Throughout the Bible, people are told to obey the word of God. The Israelites in many, many instances were told to hear the Word of God and return to him. (See the entire book of Judges, and about every one of the Major and Minor Prophets). If they heard the Word of God, they had the chance to make things right.

Now, just hearing obviously is not enough, because you can see in reading those books that not every one that heard actually obeyed.

Romans 10:16 But they have not all obeyed the gospel. For Isaiah saith, Lord, who hath believed our report?

On the Day of Pentecost, the Apostles preached the first gospel sermon, starting with the following words: Act 2:22 “Ye men of Israel, hear these words;“ Later on, Peter told them Act 3:23 And it shall come to pass, that every soul, which will not hear that prophet, shall be destroyed from among the people.”

So, there is a consequence for not hearing the Word of God! Have you ever had anyone say, “I don’t want to hear about Jesus” or “Don’t talk to me about religion.” They don’t realize that they shall be destroyed for not hearing!

We can see what we must hear to be saved: the Word of God.

WHAT MUST I BELIEVE?

In the example of those first converts on the Day of Pentecost, we can see they believed the Word of God. But what exactly must one believe before they can be saved (remember, belief alone does NOT save you, but you must at least believe a certain amount in order to be saved). Obviously they must believe that God exists, but that is not enough.

James 2:19 Thou believest that there is one God; thou doest well: the devils also believe, and tremble.

The people on the day of Pentecost were already religious people. So, they already had some background in the existence of God and his mighty power to save. But something was missing. What was it that they still needed to believe? The answer can be found in Peter’s sermon to them in Acts 2, but let’s look a bit later in the book of Acts at a different example.

Acts chapter 8 tells of a man of Ethiopia, a Jew who had come to Jerusalem to worship God. On his way back home, he was reading the scriptures (OT), thinking he was in a saved condition. Then Phillip showed up to preach to him.

Acts 8:35 Then Philip opened his mouth, and began at the same Scripture, and preached unto him Jesus.

What was it that these Jews did not know yet? JESUS! Jesus came and fulfilled the prophecies of the Old Testament. He was the messiah that they had been waiting for!

When the eunuch asked to be baptized, Phillip told him that he must believe with all his heart first. The eunuch answered and said, “I believe that Jesus is the Son of God.” Phillip thought that was enough to baptize him and make him a Christian.

Romans 10:9 That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.

So, what must we believe? That Jesus is the Son of God and that he was raised from the dead. Some try to make too many rules and restrictions on who can be baptized. They may say something like “They don’t know enough yet.” or “I don’t think they’re ready.” If you’ll notice, EVERY specific example of conversion in the book of Acts was the result of a single sermon. ONE sermon. It was not the result of weeks or months of study on many different topics. These people were at a point where they could be baptized based upon the first time they heard the truth about Jesus being the Son of God.

Paul refers to the new converts as “babes in Christ” (I Cor 3:1) I Peter 2:2, Peter tells them that “as newborn babes” they were to “desire the sincere milk of the Word.” so that they may grow. The milk of the word is the basic teachings of the gospel. Paul calls it the first principles of the oracles of God. Babies do not know much of anything, but they do grow. Slowly, but surely they do grow. We don’t expect them to be able to walk and talk and eat solid food before we allow them to be born, so why do we expect the same of people who wish to born spiritually in baptism?

Jesus even illustrated this in his last words in the books of Matthew.

Matthew 28:19-20 Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost: Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world. Amen.

Notice that the teaching of all that they were to observe came after they had been baptized. You don’t have to know the whole Bible before you can become a Christian!

What must one believe? That Jesus Christ is the Son of God.

OF WHAT MUST I REPENT?

John the Baptist preached in the wilderness “Repent ye, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand.” (Matt 3:2)

Jesus Christ preached “Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand.” (Matt 4:17)

Jesus also said “Unless ye repent, ye shall all likewise perish” (Luke 13:3,5)

Jesus sent the apostles on the limited commission, and they “preached that men should repent.” (Mark 6:12)

Peter told the Jews on the day of Pentecost “Repent” (Acts 2:38)

But the question arises: repent of what?

Acts 3:19 Repent ye therefore, and be converted, that your sins may be blotted out, when the times of refreshing shall come from the presence of the Lord;

We must repent in order to have our sins blotted out.

Act 8:22 Repent therefore of this thy wickedness,

Peter told Simon the sorcerer to repent of his wickedness.

Act 26:20 … that they should repent and turn to God, and do works meet for repentance.

These were told to repent and turn TO God. This means they were not following God.

So, what we can see from these passages is that we must repent of our wickedness, and from being turned away from God. All of which can be boiled down to one word: SIN. But what does it mean to repent?

Repent means “to turn away” or “turn again” Vine’s dictionary says that repent always signifies a change for the better, and overwhelmingly is used in reference to changing from sin. Easton’s Bible Dictionary says “to change one’s mind and purpose, as a result of knowledge.”

So, repenting is a change for the better (leaving sin) after knowledge. And what is that knowledge?

Mark 1:15 And saying, The time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God is at hand: repent ye, and believe the gospel.

Jesus here is speaking, and tells them to repent and believe THE GOSPEL! Change their minds and purpose as a result of hearing and believing that Jesus is the Son of God!

So, we know what we must hear (the Gospel), what we must believe (that Jesus is the Son of God – aka the Gospel),

Of what must we repent? Our own sin.

WHAT MUST I CONFESS?

To Confess is to tell someone something; to spread the word about something that deals directly with YOU. You cannot confess for someone else. To tell someone else’s sins is to gossip and be a talebearer in most cases. But you cannot confess for anyone else anymore than you can believe or repent for someone else. So, confessing is something personal. Whether it be something that you have done, or something that you believe, it is personal to you. Let us keep that in mind as we look at what we must confess.

Matthew 10:32 Whosoever therefore shall confess me before men, him will I confess also before my Father which is in heaven. (see also Luke 12:8)

So, Jesus is saying that if we confess HIM before others, He will confess us before God above. Remember, confession is something personal, so we would be professing our belief in Him as the savior and the Son of God. In turn, Christ will give his profession of His acceptance of us before God.

What must we confess? Our belief -before others-that Jesus Christ is the Son of God.

BAPTISM?

I wondered about exactly how to tackle this topic. Should I do, “Why should I be baptized?” Or perhaps “How should I be baptized” or maybe even “Who must baptize me?” Or “In what must I be baptized?” So, let’s just look at all of them.

Why should I be baptized? Because over and over in the Bible it is shown as the way to get into Christ and be saved. Mark 16:16:, I Peter 3:21, Romans 6:3, Acts 2:38, Acts 22:16.….

How, and in what, should I be baptized? Any example in the Bible of baptism where any description is used talks about either going into or coming up out of water. So, you must be baptized IN water. The word “IN” means “surrounded by.” So you need to be baptized, surrounded by water. That is why baptism is seen as a burial.

Romans 6:4 Therefore we are buried with him by baptism into death: that like as Christ was raised up from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we also should walk in newness of life.

Colossians 2:12 Buried with him in baptism, wherein also ye are risen with him through the faith of the operation of God, who hath raised him from the dead.

Who should baptize me? While all specific examples given in the Bible are preachers, the apostle Paul points out that the specific person who does the baptizing is not as important as the fact that they were baptized. He, in fact, thanks God that he was not the one who baptized some of the people there, because they might try to follow Paul instead of Christ. Obviously Paul wanted them baptized, but he left it to some other Christian to do it.

Why? Because we want to be saved.

How? By being buried, surrounded by water and being raised up from it.

What is the central theme of all of these? The GOSPEL, my friends! The GOSPEL!

We must hear that wonderful good news that Jesus, the Son of God, came to earth, died, was buried and arose on the third day so that we an have forgiveness of our sins! We must believe the Gospel with all of our heart! We must repent from sin, and change our mind and purpose to following Christ upon hearing the Gospel. We must confess our belief in the Gospel. And we must be baptized, following the form and command of the death, burial and resurrection (aka GOSPEL) of Jesus.

After obeying the Gospel, we must then tell others about it! If we do not continually confess Christ before others, we will not be confessed by Him before God! Spread the Word! Jesus Christ is the Son of God! He came to earth, died, was buried, and arose!

Have you followed the Gospel?

-Bradley Cobb

Articles

Don’t Do This…

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Me, me, me. I, I, I. I’m the one who matters. I’m the one who’s important. Let’s focus on me!

That’s so annoying! We don’t like being around people who always focus on themselves.  No, we want to be around people who will focus their attention on US! Because we’re the ones that should be focused on, right?

One person recently said that he was trying to do a comprehensive sermon on the topic of sin, and asked what he should include in it.  One of the answers was, “All sin is self-centered. It’s all about me. It’s focused only on what I want. That’s why there’s an “i” in the middle of “sin”.”

And that’s absolutely true. We are all tempted when we are drawn away by our own desires and enticed. And when lust has conceived, it gives birth to sin. And when sin is full grown, it brings forth death. (James 1:14-15).

Love is the opposite of sin.  Love—true love—is selfless. It is focused on the needs of others. It is putting other people first.  It’s true in every relationship. And it’s especially true in marriage.

We’ve looked at a couple things that love is. You’ll remember, “if you REALLY love me, you’d be patient with me,” and “If you REALLY love me, you’d be kind.”

Starting today, we’re going to look at some things that love ISN’T.

That is, these are things that will be noticeably absent from a great marriage.  So, if you want to have a great marriage (you do, right?), read on:

Don’t be envious

Look at I Corinthians 13:4.  Love is not envious (KJV) Love is not jealous (NASB).

These are two very similar ideas.  Jealousy is feeling bitterness at others because of what they have.  Envy is wanting what someone else has—their success, their money, their looks, their life, etc…

The Corinthians had a real problem with this. People were jealous—envious of other Christians who had supposedly “better” miraculous gifts. So, really, Paul’s using this opportunity to show them that when they’re envious, they’re not obeying the command to “love one another.”

But how does this fit in marriage?

After all, I don’t think a single one of you guys wishes you looked like your wife. And I know that not a one of you women wish that you had your husband’s looks.

But there is jealousy and envy in marriage ALL THE TIME.

The wife who stays home is envious of her husband because he is able to interact with real adults during the day. She’s jealous of the fact that he gets to go somewhere to work while she’s stuck at home. Some wives are jealous of the attention that their husbands get from others—he is praised for his accomplishments and she feels ignored by comparison.  Many wives feel a resentment to their husband—a feeling of envy—because of these things.

On the other side, husbands can be envious of their wife because she gets to stay at home all day and do nothing. One man made it very clear that he’d love to trade places with his wife because she only had to take care of a couple kids, and meanwhile he had to do “real work.” Other men hear their wife get complimented, and they are bitter because she’s getting attention and they’re not.

It goes both ways.

You can’t be envious.

You have to be content with what you have (Hebrews 13:5).  The basis of envy is that you aren’t content with what you already have.  It’s having a poor self-image.

Hey, Jesus died for you. He thinks you’re pretty important. And for some reason, that’s not good enough for you? You still want more? You still want what someone else has?

It’s time to change your focus to what you HAVE instead of what you DON’T have.  Instead of being jealous, wanting what your spouse supposedly has, be happy for them!  If your spouse is getting complimented because they’ve lost weight, or they’ve gotten a promotion, or they’ve accomplished something, BE HAPPY for them!

Realize that the things you’re jealous of might not really be the way they seem.  Oh, he gets to go to a job and interact with adult people every day. More likely, he’s going to a frustrating place and dealing with people who frequently don’t know how to do their job, and it is a place of immense stress.

Oh, she gets to stay home and do nothing all day except watch the kids. Yeah, if you think that, you need to get something called a “clue.” She’s home dealing with immature children who require constant supervision, and she’s deprived of any real intellectual interaction during that time.

If you want to have a great marriage, and one that is also pleasing to God (double bonus!), you need to kick envy out of the house.

-Bradley S. Cobb

Uncategorized

Be Nice…

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a.k.a. “How to Have a Great Marriage (part five)”

If You Love Me, You’ll Be Nice to Me

Love is kind (I Corinthians 13:4).

Kindness is one of those things that can be hard to define, but you know it when you see it.  It’s being friendly. It’s smiling. It’s showing someone that you are interested in them as a person. It’s taking time to be there for them and lending a helping hand. It’s taking the time to listen to what they have to say. Not just sitting there while they’re talking, but actually listening.

Kindness is not these things:

  • yelling at someone.
  • being mean.
  • treating them like they’re worthless.

In order to have a great marriage, a God-honoring marriage, you must be kind to your spouse.  You want your spouse to be nice to you, right? You don’t want a mean husband or a cantankerous wife. So, you be the kind spouse YOU are supposed to be.

You have no right to tell your wife to be kind to you if you’re a jerk to her. And vice versa.

Some husbands ignore their wives–not paying attention to what they say, not paying attention to what they need. In short, they aren’t being kind to their wives, and they need to repent.

Kindness means you give your spouse a smile. Kindness means you stop what you’re doing and listen to her when she needs to talk. Kindness means you listen to him talk about sports, even if it’s more boring than reading stereo instructions. Again, it’s not just being quiet; it’s actually listening to them.

You have to show your spouse that you care.

Get out your steel-toed boots, because it’s toe-stomping time! Let’s notice how God put this together.  Love is patient and is kind (I Corinthians 13:4). He connected these two.

When your spouse does something you don’t like, you’re supposed to be patient with them. And you’re supposed to be kind to them.

Do you realize what this means? This means, even when you’re mad at your husband, you don’t yell at him. You don’t scream at him. You don’t ignore him. You don’t treat him like he’s scum. You don’t make out like he’s the most horrible thing since moldy bread. You don’t decide it’s a good time to bring up all of his past mistakes.

This means when you’re upset with your wife, you don’t insult her. You don’t yell at her. You don’t throw things. You don’t berate her. You don’t say things like “you never do this,” or “you ALWAYS do that.” You don’t start bossing her around.

And—whether you’re the husband or the wife—DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT say, “If you REALLY loved me, you wouldn’t do that.” That’s an emotional attack and an insult to them, and it is NOT showing love or kindness or patience when you say it.

Instead, you treat your spouse with kindness—even when they’ve messed up.

The question now comes up, what if your spouse has stopped trying? What if your spouse has shown over a period of time WITHOUT QUESTION that he/she doesn’t care? That they think you’re unimportant? That they think you’re not worth trying for?  Are you still expected to be patient and kind to them then?

And the answer is this: the Bible says to love one another. It’s a command. It doesn’t say, “Love one another so long as it’s convenient.” It doesn’t say “love one another so long as that person is trying”. It says “Love one another” PERIOD.

So, since we are commanded to love one another, we must be patient with our spouse.  Since we’re commanded to love one another, we must be kind to our spouse. ALL the time, not just when it suits us.

Because, let’s be honest. Yelling and being mean isn’t going to get anyone to change.

If you want your spouse to change, I guarantee you that yelling, screaming, berating, or being mean is NOT going to get it done. But patience and kindness can.  They are much more powerful than anger.  “God has called us to peace. For what do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, oh man, whether you will save your wife?” (I Corinthians 7:15-16).

If you REALLY love me, you’ll be kind.  Because love is kind.

Putting It Into Practice

Now if you put your boots away, get ’em back out because here is where it REALLY starts to hurt.

You’re in the middle of a head-butting session with your spouse. They’re being unreasonable. They’re being hard-headed. And you’re ready to just put them in their place, Bible-style! So, you open up your mouth and say, “Hey, the Bible says that if you love me, you’ll be kind!”

And you know that will completely fix things immediately. Your spouse will stop and look at you and with a bright sincere smile on their face say, “you’re right. I’m sorry. I should never have been fighting with you.” I hope you’ve caught the sarcasm there.

No, that’s nothing more than using your own bad attitude to attack someone else.

Instead, you need to talk to yourself (you’re the only one you can control) and say, If I really love her/him, I’ll be kind.  If I really love her/him, I’ll be patient.

See, they’ll have to answer for their own attitude problems. You have to control what YOU are doing.

If you REALLY love me, you’d be patient and kind to me. That is 100% true. But you must first start with the log sticking out of your own eye and admit, “If I REALLY love you, I’ll be patient and kind to you.”

YOU need to be the one to start. YOU need to be the one to take the first step. YOU need to be the one who shows patience and kindness—because if you don’t, it means you don’t really love them.

Love is patient. Love is kind.

Think about it.  It’s worth the effort.

Articles, Sermons

“If You REALLY Loved Me, You Would … “

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a.k.a. “How to Have a Great Marriage (part four)”

There’s a game that gets played at church camps and other youth gatherings on occasion, and here’s how it’s played:

All of the kids, except for one, will sit on chairs in a circle. The person who is “it” stands in the middle of this circle, and he looks for a place to sit down—someone whose chair he wants to take. In order to do this, he has to go up to one of the people sitting down and—without touching them—get them to smile by only saying the words, “Honey, if you love me, you’ll smile.” The person sitting down has to reply—with a straight face—”Honey, I love you, but I just can’t smile.” If they crack a smile at all, they have to give up their seat.

It’s funny to watch them struggle against smiling, and it’s also just as funny to see how dramatic the person can get who is asking them to smile.

But there’s something I’d like for you to think about…

People try to make demands of love all the time.

  • IF you love me, you’ll smile.
  • If you REALLY loved me, you wouldn’t complain about visiting my parents.
  • If you REALLY loved me, you’d take me out to eat.

Those might seem kinda funny. But how about these:

  • If you REALLY loved me, you’d become a Baptist (this happens)
  • Or when a couple is dating—before they’re married—if you REALLY loved me, you’d have sex with me.

And you want to know what most of this boils down to? Someone being self-centered and saying, “You don’t really love me if you don’t do what I want to do.”

YOU DON’T REALLY LOVE ME if you don’t give in to my demands!

Talking like that is hypocritical. It is egotistical. It is mean-spirited. It is emotional warfare. And it is something that can destroy your marriage.

Why? Because most of the time when people use this phrase, they’re trying to manipulate their spouse. Because most of the time, when people use the “If you love me…” they are demanding something that has nothing to do with love at all! Because most of the time, when someone says, “if you really love me…” they’re showing that they don’t really love the person they’re talking to.  Because many times, when people say “If you love me…”, they’re trying to get the other person to sin.

They’re asking you to prove your love by doing something that doesn’t prove love at all!

Satan used this tactic when talking to Jesus. (Matthew 4).

  • If you’re REALLY the Son of God, prove it by jumping off a building.
  • If you’re REALLY the Son of God, prove it by doing a selfish miracle.

These things wouldn’t have proven Jesus was the Son of God. It would have proven quite the opposite, because He would be sinning.

God says there are things that you will do if you really love your spouse.

It’s not wrong to say, “if you REALLY love me you will _____.” That is, so long as you fill in the blank with something actually that the Bible says about love.  After all, Jesus said, “If you love me, you will KEEP MY COMMANDMENTS.”

If you REALLY love me, you’ll be patient with me (I Corinthians 13:4).

“Charity [Love] suffers long.”

The word “charity” is AGAPE, or love.  It’s the love we are commanded to have for each other (John 13:34).  As we mentioned last week, we are all supposed to have this kind of love for our spouse.

So, in order to have a God-honoring marriage, a marriage that is pleasing to God, a marriage that is happy and enjoyable and GREAT, we will “suffer long” with our spouse.

The phrase “suffers long” is the same word which is also translated “endured” and “patient” in other verses.  In order to have a God-honoring marriage, you have to be patient with your spouse.  You have to be long-suffering with your spouse.

What’s that mean? It means you may have to suffer for a long time with your spouse.  People don’t change overnight. Bad habits take time to overcome. Love is a learning process. People make mistakes.

As a spouse, you MUST exercise patience. You HAVE TO give them time to get things right. You may have to endure a lot, but if you do, your strengthened marriage will be worth it.

A woman confessed to a marriage counselor, “I love him, but I can’t stand it. He’s always messing up. I’ve been after him for years to improve himself. He still says things sometime without even thinking. I’ve had it up to here with him!”

The marriage counselor shook his head and said, “You don’t really love him.” Shocked, she said, “Of course I love him!” He repeated, “You don’t really love him. You said yourself that you constantly criticize him because he hasn’t changed enough for you yet.”

“So? I still love him.”

“You’re not patient with him. And love is patient. No patience? That means you don’t love him.”

If you aren’t patient with your spouse, it means you don’t really love him/her.

Now, I understand, it’s easier said than done. But do you really think God’s going to accept your excuse of “he keeps messing up” when he asks why you weren’t patient with your spouse?

After all, YOU keep messing up too, and God is patient with you.

A comic strip I read a couple years ago had two women talking to each other. One of them says, “What’s that smoke?” The other one says, “Well, Ole Ben burned dinner.” “And what’s that big stain on your shirt?” “Well, Ole Ben spilled grape juice one me.” Why didn’t you get it cleaned?” “Well, Ole Ben cleaned it for me. And then he dropped it in the mud when he was hanging it out to dry.” “Sounds like your husband messes up everything he touches. I’d be furious!” “Naw, I love him.” “How could you love someone who keeps destroying your stuff?” ” I love him because no matter how much he messes up, he keeps trying.”

When YOU keep trying, regardless of how much you mess up, God will forgive you.  When YOUR SPOUSE keeps trying, you should have patience with them.

Even when it seems like your spouse ISN’T trying, you need to have patience with them.  You can’t expect him to become a perfect husband overnight. If you start trying to change everything he does, you know what message that sends to him? I don’t like you the way you are. If there are things that need to be changed, you need to be patient, realizing it may take years before it finally takes hold; before he finally “gets it.”

And husbands, if you want your wife to change the way she does some things, you have to be patient too. It takes time to change and to get used to doing things differently. BE PATIENT.

“If you love me, you’ll be patient with me.”

This is true, because “Love is patient.”

Articles, Sermons

How to Have a Great Marriage (part three)

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A couple posts ago, we mentioned that love is not a requirement for God to recognize a marriage as valid.  And that’s true. Love isn’t a requirement for God to join two people together (Matthew 19:4-5).

However, it IS a requirement for your marriage to be pleasing to God, to be a God-Honoring marriage.

Love your spouse.

What kind of love?

Ask anyone who knows me, and they’ll tell you that I love pizza. They’ll also tell you that I love my kids. But obviously these aren’t the same kind of love.

Even in the Bible, there are different kinds of love.

  • The Pharisees LOVE to pray standing in the synagogues and on the corners (Matthew 6:5).
  • Thou shalt LOVE the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind (Matthew 22:37).
  • Beware of the scribes which LOVE to go in long clothing, and LOVE salutations in the marketplace (Mark 12:38).

Three different verses, three different Greek words that are translated “love.”

In the New Testament, there are generally two different words for “love.”

Agape – This is the most common word which is translated LOVE in the New Testament. It means a conscious decision to put someone else first. It is sacrificial. It is what God has towards us (John 3:16) and what we are to have towards God (Matthew 22:37).

Phileo – This word shows friendship. It shows enjoying something. It might be better translated as “like”, as in “I like this.” We sing, “I’ll be a friend to Jesus,” and that is exactly what is commanded of us (I Corinthians 16:22 – If any man does not love [LIKE–phileo] the Lord Jesus Christ, let him be anathema). It is what Jesus is to us, if we obey Him (John 15:14 – Ye are my friends [LIKED ONES–philos] if ye keep what I have commanded you).

But what kind of love are you supposed to have for your spouse? The answer may surprise you!

You must show agape love towards your spouse.

Husbands are commanded to AGAPE their wife (Ephesians 5:28).

Husbands must stop thinking about themselves and put their wife’s needs first. That means her physical needs (provide food, shelter, clothing). That means her emotional needs (which falls under showing her “respect”). That means her spiritual needs—many women are not being led spiritually by their husband.

How can a husband show this love?

Lots of ways—but it’s not the one-time acts that matter. It’s the constant, day-in and day-out acts that show you truly have AGAPE for your wife.  Changing diapers. Carrying the groceries. Helping with housework. Turning off the TV and just talking with her. Taking care of the kids so she can rest.

And it’s doing these things with no strings attached.

John spent a couple hours cleaning the kitchen and living room of his house. Then his wife comes home, and he helps her carry in the groceries. She smiles, and he says, “I’m going to the ballgame with the boys.” She objects, “but we were going to have a nice quiet night at home.” He says, “Look, I cleaned the living room and the kitchen. What else do you want from me?”

He did those things, not out of love, but because he expected something in return.

Wives must show agape love towards their husband (John 15:12).

Jesus says, “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.”  This applies to everyone, including wives.  This means that wives are to show AGAPE to others—including her husband.

It is interesting that there is no direct command “wives, AGAPE your husband.”  We can deduce that it’s necessary from other passages (love thy neighbor as thyself, for example). All the “love one another” passages prove that a wife must show AGAPE to her husband.

God made a specific command for husbands to AGAPE their wife. In fact, it’s stated point-blank multiple times in the Bible (Ephesians 5:25, 28, 33, Colossians 3:19).

A marriage where both spouses show this love for each other will grow, and it will be a blessing to both of them.

“The Gift of the Magi” is a great story about a man and his wife. It’s Christmastime, but they are very poor. They want so desperately to get a gift—a meaningful gift—for the other, but neither can afford it. The husband has an old gold pocket watch that he got from his father. It’s the most important possession he has in the whole world. But he takes it and pawns it so that he can buy his wife a new hairbrush to use on her long hair. A bit later, the wife comes into the house. He presents her with the brush and she begins to cry. She takes the scarf off of her head, and he sees that her long hair is gone. She had cut it off and sold it so she could afford to buy him a gift—a gold chain to use for his pocket watch.

Love is putting your spouse first.

You must show PHILEO love towards your spouse.

God commands that you be friends with your spouse. God commands that you enjoy their company. God commands that you LIKE them.

Wait a second, how can God tell me to like them if I don’t like them?

You know, if you become the spouse YOU’RE supposed to be, it’s likely that they will be more like the spouse THEY’RE supposed to be. And liking them will come naturally.

And honestly, especially in America, if you’re married to them, that means you like them—or at least you did at one point. God’s just telling you to keep liking them.

Wives are to LIKE their husbands (Titus 2:4).

The older women were to teach the younger women to love (PHILEO) their husbands.

In a society that encourages women to complain about their husbands, to stand up to them, don’t take no garbage from them, women’s lib and all that stuff…it’s important that we teach our girls that they are supposed to love their husbands—to like their husbands. To enjoy their company. To be friends with them.

Sometimes that’s a hard thing to do. More than once, you’ve probably heard (or maybe even said) the words, “I still love you, but I don’t like you right now.”

If you don’t like your husband, then repent and start being his friend again.

Acts 28:2 translates this same word as “kindness.” It means showing kindness—being a friend.

Husbands are to LIKE their wives.

Just as there is no direct statement that wives are supposed to AGAPE their husbands, there is no direct statement that husbands are to LIKE their wives.

However, if both are Christians (which is how it should be), the following verses settle the matter:

  • Be kindly affectioned one toward another with brotherly love (PHILEO for your brethren in Christ) in honor, preferring one another. (Romans 12:10)
  • Let brotherly love continue (Hebrews 13:1).

The Scriptures specifically say that husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church (Ephesians 5:25).

The Scriptures also tell us that Christ is a friend to His people—the church (John 15:15).

If you love your spouse with AGAPE love, true love with no strings attached, your marriage will be happier and healthier.  If you make it a point to be a friend with your spouse, your marriage will be stronger for it.

Now don’t go home today and say, “honey, you need to read this article on TheCobbSix.com. You need to start loving me better and being a better friend.”

DON’T DO THAT!

It all starts with YOU. YOU do your part. No strings attached. YOU do it. YOU be the one you’re supposed to be.  If you do that, you may be very surprised at how much they start to change as well.

Almost all troubled marriages are missing something. Respect has gone AWOL. Love—both kinds—has been replaced with anger and hatred. And if those things aren’t changed—if love and respect aren’t brought back into the marriage, it will fail.

A man and woman are sitting at the kitchen table. On her plate is a piece of toast—the end piece. She hates the end piece, and finally, after years of her husband giving it to her, she erupts. “Why do you hate me? You give me this stinking end piece of the bread every time. I HATE the end piece, yet you insist on giving it to me for the whole ten years we’ve been married. Why? WHY?!?” After the initial shock subsides, he looks over at her and says, “I didn’t know you didn’t like it. You never told me. I wish you would have. The end has always been my favorite.”

Jesus loves you. And He expects you to show that same love to others—especially your spouse.

Articles, Sermons

How to Have a Great Marriage (part two)

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I was 7 years old when I heard some people talk about a local preacher.  They had been over to his house, and apparently he decided to tell some stories. Now, these weren’t just any stories. These were stories that made his wife look ignorant. And he laughed and laughed, even though no one else did.

And I’ll never forget what they said next in this conversation: She looked like she wanted to crawl under the table and hide.

Of course, when I was 7, I was trying to figure out why she’d want to play hide and seek during dinner. But as I got older, those words stuck with me, and I came to understand that she was embarrassed by the stories, ashamed by her husband’s behavior, and hurt that he could laugh while tearing her down.

My friends, that is not a God-honoring marriage.

Last week, we examined some requirements for a God-honoring marriage.

  • You have to leave your mommy and daddy and be joined to your spouse.
  • You have to be committed—100% to your spouse and your marriage.
  • You have to be faithful—and not just physically. Be faithful with your eyes and your thoughts.

When you do these things, divorce should never come up in the conversation.

This week, we’re continuing the same theme.  In order to have a great marriage, and a marriage that is pleasing to God, this ingredient must be present.

Respect for your spouse.

I cannot tell you how many times I’ve heard people bad-mouthing their husband or wife.  It’s nothing but complain, complain, complain to everyone. It’s like they can’t do anything right. All you hear is about how awful their spouse is ALL THE TIME! He’s a lazy jerk. She’s a horrible cook. She doesn’t clean. He won’t help with the kids.  And what’s worse is when they say those things in public while their spouse is right there.

That is not showing respect to your spouse AT ALL.  And let me assure you, the Bible commands that you show respect to your spouse.

Husbands, give honor to your wife (I Peter 3:7).

Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.

That word honor means to value them. It means to show deference to them. To reverence them. To esteem them. To treat them with dignity. In short, it means to RESPECT them.

Husbands, show respect to your wife! Treat them like the weaker vessel.  Fine china is precious, expensive, and you have to be careful with it or it will break.  In the same way, your wife is precious, valuable, and you must treat her with the kindness and respect that she deserves, otherwise she can break.

Her self-esteem can be broken by a husband who doesn’t treat her with respect. Her will to work can be broken when she’s treated like she’s nothing special. Her desire to try to make the marriage better can break when the husband lets her know he doesn’t respect her.

Husbands, treat your wife kindly. Treat her with respect!

That means that you don’t treat her like she’s stupid—especially in front of other people!  That means you don’t mock her or ridicule her.  It means that you treat her like the gift from God to you that she is.

You should show her respect because she is also an heir of the grace of life.

What does that mean? It means that she has been given the gift of life by God, just like you have. She’s made in God’s image.  She is someone for whom Christ died.  And if you treat her like she’s unimportant, then you’re saying that you’re also unimportant–you can’t have it both ways. Ultimately, if you treat God’s creation disrespectfully, you can expect the same treatment from Him.

You should treat her with respect because if you don’t, you can’t get forgiveness of sins.

This goes hand-in-hand with what we just finished saying.  If you don’t treat her with respect, God will not hear your prayers. If God won’t hear your prayers, then you cannot have your sins forgiven. If you can’t have your sins forgiven, you’re going to hell. DO I HAVE TO MAKE IT ANY CLEARER?

Treat your wife with respect or you go to hell. Period. No exceptions. You have no hope—AT ALL.

Wives, reverence your husband (Ephesians 5:33).

Let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself, and that the wife see that she reverences her husband.

The word reverence means to show them honor. It means to show deference to them. The Greek word (phobos) actually means to fear them—as in show them respect. In fact, the NKJV, NIV, NAS, ESV all translate this word as respect.

This means that the wife isn’t going to go around bad-mouthing her husband. She won’t be complaining about everything he does. Even if there are things that her husband needs to work on, she’s not going to make that public knowledge. She’s not going to berate him for his mistakes. She will show him respect.

Thayer defines the word here as showing reverential obedience.

You should respect your husband because he is the God-ordained head of the household (Ephesians 5:23).  God has given him the responsibility of leading the family. Of providing for the family. Of caring for the family’s spiritual and physical needs.  These are heavy responsibilities, and he deserves your respect for taking them on.

You should respect your husband because God said so.  Regardless of how you may feel towards your husband, this is a command of God. And if you refuse to obey it, you have just forfeited your soul. Intentional disobedience is an automatic ticket to hell (Hebrews 10:26-31).

Whether you are the husband or the wife, RESPECT YOUR SPOUSE!  It may be hard, but if you want a happy marriage, you’ll do it. If you want a marriage that helps you grow as a person and as a Christian, you’ll do it. If you want to go to heaven, you’ll do it.

Trust me, it’s worth it.

But, if you want a mediocre marriage filled with yelling and screaming and constant complaining–one that makes you feel stifled and trapped–then go ahead. Don’t respect your spouse. If you want to go to hell, feel free to ignore God’s commands.