When a team loses a big game, the fans always want to pin the blame on someone. When there’s a problem at a job, the boss looks for someone to blame (so that the blame doesn’t fall on him). When things were going bad for the nation of Israel, they looked for someone to blame (sometimes Moses, sometimes they blamed God Himself!).
The blame game dates back to the garden of Eden. After both Adam and Eve ate of the forbidden fruit, God came walking by, and that’s when it started. “that woman you gave me caused me to eat!” “That snake tricked me!” (and of course the snake didn’t have a leg to stand on…). But notice there that from the beginning people have been wanting to avoid responsibility for their actions. Adam blamed Eve and God! Eve blamed the serpent. None of them would fess up and say, “it’s my fault.”
We see the same problems in relationships today. If a marriage isn’t going well, you can almost guarantee that the husband knows it’s mostly the wife’s fault, and the wife knows it’s mostly the husband’s fault. Instead of looking at themselves to find a solution to their marriage problems, they are placing all the blame on the other. Things will NEVER get better if this attitude doesn’t change.
In Revelation 16, there is a nation being tormented with plagues, but through it all they refused to repent. In fact, they said it was God’s fault that they were undergoing these plagues. But they ignored the fact that if they had repented, the plagues could have stopped. But still, even at the end, they blasphemed God for the trouble they had gotten themselves into.
If you’re having a difficult time with someone, ask yourself these questions:
1. What could I have done differently that may have kept this from getting to this point?
2. What can I do now to improve this situation?
There is plenty of blame to go around. We don’t like the thought of being wrong, and so we fight against it, trying to run through every imaginable possibility to lay the blame somewhere other than at our own feet. But in the end, we still must shoulder at least SOME of the blame. Examine the situations and take responsibility for your part in the mess.
For the husband, the answer is probably to treat your wife with love, patience, compassion, and understanding. After all, she’s got a lot to deal with–including you.
For the wife, the answer is probably to show your husband some patience, respect, and understanding. After all, he’s got a lot to deal with–including you.
If all married couples treated each other this way, marriage problems would shrink tremendously. After all, God is the one who said to treat our spouses in these ways. And He knows best.
–Bradley Cobb
