Itâs hard to know what to say at a time like this. Everything is going along like normal, youâre in a routine, and then your phone buzzes with a text message saying that your cousin, 21 years old, just died in a car wreck. Shock sets in immediately. And then the utter feeling of helplessness.
I loved Colby Miller, and his sudden death still has me seriously shaken up several days later, but Iâm way down on the totem pole of people who were affected by his death. He left behind him the love of his life, and a three-month-old son, devastated parents, a brother, a sister, grandparents, and various other extended family members who knew him much better than I (a side-effect of not living nearby). The congregation in Wetaug, Illinois is hurting as well, and is still in shock. It was evident in the words which were spoken yesterday (at both services), the eyes filled with sadness, the hugs that were freely given and held longer than normal, the feeling that no one really wanted to say âgoodbye.â
But still, I feel the immense loss, the pain that is pervading the family, especially now as the wound is still fresh. As Jesse and I left the graveside where they laid Colby next to his heroâhis (and my) grandpa DonâI couldnât help but notice names, names of people I have known, names of family members who I once talked with, smiled with, laughed with, and loved. Half of my family history is buried in that cemetery.
The past few days have got me thinking hard about many things, and I hope that somehow, through this, I can ⊠I donât know, do something. So, here goes.
Take the time to tell others that you love them.
As was painfully driven home to me this past week, you donât know that youâll ever see a loved one again. Something might happen to you. Something might happen to him or her. Brad Paisley sang a song about writing a letter to his younger self, and it includes the line âP.S. Go hug Aunt Rita every chance you can.â The implication being that she wasnât alive anymore by the time he wrote. Donât wait to tell and show people that you love them, and donât assume that youâll have other opportunities. You donât know that. Take the time, make the opportunity now to let people know you care.
Be a friend to others.
At the visitation for Colby, there was an unbroken line of people coming in for over five hours. I donât know the exact number, but it was over 700.  Some were friends of his parents, others were friends of Colby himself. But make no mistake, these people came because of friendship. Colby was a friend to many people, had an impact on the lives of many people. Iâve seen funerals before where hardly anyone came because the deceased didnât have many friends. Christians, more than anyone else, should have an impact for good on the lives around them. Think of all the opportunities you have to reach out to others, to help others, to be a friend to others. Donât waste your timeâmake it worthwhile in reaching others.
Drive carefully.
Colby was lost, on an unfamiliar road, trying to get somewhere. But he was also in a hurry, and wasnât able to make a turn. Itâs then that his truck left the road, and ⊠well, I donât want to go into what happened next, but it is what caused me to receive the text mentioned at the beginning of this post. When we got to Illinois and joined with the family before the public visitation began, my grandmother (and Colbyâs) hugged me harder than sheâs ever hugged me before, and said âDonât let this happen to you.â She knew that I used to have a lead foot. She was begging me to make sure I drove safely.
I could go into the truth that a Christian is to obey the laws of the land (including the speed limit), but I also want you to realize that these laws are there to help keep us safe. Itâs most likely that if everyone drove the speed limit, I wouldnât be writing this today. But now, every time a car passes us on the interstate, I see it crashing, and I find myself praying a silent prayer that it doesnât happen.
There are people that care about you. If for no other reason, drive safely for their sakes.
Pray.
Colbyâs family could really use your prayers right now. It will be a very long time before they approach anything even close to ânormal.â The congregation of the Lordâs church in Wetaug, Illinois, could use your prayers as well. This hit them very hard too.
In the meantime, donât assume that youâve got tomorrow to tell people that you careâdo it now. Donât wait to give a hug, to make a visit, to pick up the phone and call, to show that you love them, or that you are their friendâdo it now.
And please, stay safe.
-Bradley S. Cobb